You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Are my feet made of real feet?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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