so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just cropdusted the office
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
