Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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