That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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