I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So squirting runs in the family.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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