apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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