I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
