I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
pop tarts are not kleenex
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
