Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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