I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
