Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
