I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
