my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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