I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
