Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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