Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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