I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
