My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
