If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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