drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
