Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
there is puke in my bra ... again
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
