My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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