do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
