I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
