There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
