just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
