No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
