My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
