ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
