I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
