**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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