He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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