Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize