Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
