dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
