Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
