Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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