Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
