I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Found the puke drawer
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
