Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
