all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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