Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
