If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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