It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
