I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize