i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize