My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What a dumb baby whore.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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