So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
