Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
