Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
