all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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