Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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