god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
look no pants
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
