There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
