You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
