what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
