Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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