I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
