I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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