My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
