Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
