once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
