you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
