Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
