The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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