My nipple is on Facebook.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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