Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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