OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
