I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
