I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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