Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
