I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
