This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
