You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
