I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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