I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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