i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
