I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
