So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
