I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
