I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize