She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
