Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
